blah

I'm secretly narcissistic

2012-02-18T06:44:00.001+08:00

- Cf

Nelly Furtado ft. Josh Groban - Silencio [Music Video]

2012-02-17T02:09:00.001+08:00

Nice

2012-01-26T00:46:00.002+08:00

New sims social house post. Like it?

2012-01-25T21:47:00.002+08:00

Just an inspirational and very true post I found

2012-01-25T21:38:00.001+08:00

15 GREAT THOUGHTS BY CHANAKYA

1) "Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to make them all yourselves!!"

2)"A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and Honest people are screwed first."

3)"Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should pretend to be venomous."

4)"There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth."

5)" Before you start some work, always ask yourself three questions - Why am I doing it, What the results might be and Will I be successful. Only when you think deeply and find satisfactory answers to these questions, go ahead."

6)"As soon as the fear approaches near, attack and destroy it."

7)"The world's biggest power is the youth and beauty of a woman."

8)"Once you start a working on something, don't be afraid of failure and don't abandon it. People who work sincerely are the happiest."

9)"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind. But the goodness of a person spreads in all direction."

10)"God is not present in idols. Your feelings are your god. The soul is your temple."

11) "A man is great by deeds, not by birth."

12) "Never make friends with people who are above or below you in status. Such friendships will never give you any happiness."

13) "Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends."

14) "Books are as useful to a stupid person as a mirror is useful to a blind person."

15) "Education is the Best Friend. An Educated Person is Respected Everywhere. Education beats the Beauty and the Youth."

Relationship issues

2011-12-29T02:25:00.001+08:00

My relationship is dead. Stale. No romance already. And it's dragging on. Shall I end it? I've thought about this for months now. It's tearing me up inside. :(

- Cf

Photoshop and Face-Cam

2011-12-21T01:00:00.000+08:00

Hi! This is the first photo of myself that I've attempted to prettify. Of course, I've done this a couple of time for others before. But 1st time for myself! No liquifying done. Just removal of blemishes and smoothening of the background, darkening of the eyelines and "dodge"d the pupil a little.

Further editing was done in the face cam app in my iphone when I thought it wasn't jazzed up enough.

This photo was taken using my 4s.
ASS.

2011-12-08T14:31:00.001+08:00

New room!

2011-12-07T18:58:00.000+08:00

My Sims Social house

2011-11-30T19:20:00.002+08:00

I am here, there and everywhere

2011-11-24T14:30:00.003+08:00

Hello world, so here I am, sitting at my desk.

MY DESK. In MY STUDIO.

Never thought this would happen to me ever. My lecturers have, from the start of my retaining years, told me over and over again that; with my kind of standards, I'd never get a job. But hey, here I am. AT MY DESK. Granted, its a low paying job, its still better than nothing. Better than "never". A starting point here. My life can only go upwards from here right?

And, I have officially graduated. The leathery feel of the folder, the words on that piece of paper. My name. School felt like it would never end. But it did, everything is awfully surreal. Its disgusting, this responsibilities thing, that I have to face now that I'm out in the working world. I will face this, head on, I have to. I must.

For better for worse, for better skin for naught

2011-10-05T11:35:00.004+08:00

Okay, recently I've bought a bottle of Amethystory from the shelves in Watsons.

I just had to! The bottle is PURPLE!

Back to topic, Ive been using it religioously for the past few days. And I've noticed an improvement in certain aspects of my skin condition.
1. My skin now feels more supple than before; BOUNCY!! BOING BOING!
2. My skin is fairer; which is both a good and bad thing since my dark eye-circles are more prominent. But the rest of my face in fairer!
3. Make up stays on longer and blends easier now that my skin is more supple.
4. This last point is a con of using the product; I've noticed my pores are slightly larger.

I said too much

2011-09-26T19:17:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was supposed to be a celebration of being together for 2 years. But instead, you made me feel worthless and demeaned me. And reinforced the idea that you'd be better off with a smarter person. I can't be myself around you. You scare me. You have sudden outbursts of temper. I cannot tell you my thoughts. I have to constantly watch myself around you. I'm not perfect. But you didn't have to rub my imperfections in my face. Throughout the entire day, there was no moment where I actually felt like you wanted to be with me. All I felt was that you wanted to shut me up. Maybe my words really are horribly stupid and senseless. But without speaking my mind, I won't be me. To be honest, I feel like leaving. There's a lot that I want to tell you. But you wouldn't listen. I'm over anxious. And my worries are redundant. Because you said that my worries are stupid, they should just vanish immediately. Not one time in the course of these two years have I heard: "are you ok?". Maybe you don't say that coz you feel like you should hear it from me first. And I'm sorry that I actually expect the guy to provide so much in the relationship.

2011-06-12T23:46:00.000+08:00

Last night... I dreamt of someone I used to know. He was dating someone else. Didn't know why but I got mad. Gathered my stuff, upped and left.
I ran and avoided him. But he followed. Eventually he found me, hiding among a group of people. Trying to blend into the crowd.

He announced to everyone that he loves me and no one else. His date was there. She looked dejected and walked off.

Its nice to feel wanted. Even if it's just a dream. Maybe that's why I value sleep more than reality.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

It's depressing.

2011-05-25T16:35:00.001+08:00

Slowly but surely, your seconds tick past. Never to return again. What you never see is that every moment lived brings you that moment closer to death. You try and hold onto whatever memories that were created in this life. But you know, memories can change. Photos can fade. Digital or film videos will depreciate in quality over time. There is nothing definite in life, except for the fact that you will die. Nothing is certain anymore. Nothing stays.

Living is but the slowest form of death.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

New hat

2010-12-14T04:52:00.001+08:00

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-12-14T03:38:00.003+08:00

What is life too? Filled with mundane tasks, we carry on with each day, dragging our feet around. We complete each mission laid out for the day. But what do we accomplish in the end? Money, a sense of accomplishment or nothing?

We exchange a part of our life for this, "money". When we could spend the time establishing bonds between us humans. When was the last time anyone ever tried communicating with our neighbors? Its not a simple wave or a "hi" that sets bonds. We need to start understanding each other, discover our differences. And some people start wondering why, why there are racial conflicts, interest conflicts. What could bring us closer, with our government pulling us apart for maximum capital gain?

We need to see, that money is not essential for life. The people around us are. As much as you do not like the notion, we are all co-dependent. Our existence does not come about so simply. Everyone around us plays a part in our development and our survival in this world. We need each other.

Sometimes, we get stressed. Thats when we need to take a break. Humankind has developed this rather effective method since the dawn of time. And we have a word for it, "Festivals".

Relax and let loose. Immerse yourself in celebrating something, celebrate life. Life is not supposed to be depressing. Nobody forces you into depression. You can choose to be happy, choose to have something to look forward to, celebrate!

Celebrations can be in any form. Christmas is coming, if you have the money, good for you. But if you are flat broke or are really poor, there is something more precious that you can give, Yourself. Help out in the community, give free tuition, etc...
Smiles are definitely worth more than that few dollars, you'll see.

Viva la vida!

2010-12-14T01:54:00.001+08:00

Inadequate

2010-10-01T01:04:00.000+08:00

Today, I was reminded again that my butt was rather flat. So, I've decided to start on an exercise regime. And, since my tummy seems to be getting bigger, I'm also going to do something about it.

As of now, everyday before I sleep, it'd be 50 back/butt push ups while lying on my back. Plus, 50 crunches. I'd slowly make my way up, I hope. I can keep this up, I think.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2010-05-08T01:09:00.001+08:00

All these pent up anger and stress, the pressure is building up from inside me and out. And there's nobody I can turn to for help.

2010-05-07T00:49:00.001+08:00

So.

Damn.

Stressed.

2010-05-06T05:02:00.001+08:00

I know I shouldn't bother missing you. 'cause you won't miss me back.

Wait.

I don't know that for sure. But it's better not to get hopes up eh?

<3 from my iPhone.

2010-05-03T05:48:00.001+08:00

Sigh. This relationship is as taut as a fully stretched rubber band. He keeps shouting at me. Even at th slightest comments I make. I feel so stressed. And I'm afraid to speak my mind. Had a mental breakdown yesterday. Cried on the bus home, with him not noticing the entire time while sat beside me. He speaks so gently to other girls. But not me. I'm about to give up. Seriously.

I'm fucking stressed.

<3 from my iPhone.

2010-04-28T03:15:00.000+08:00

2010-04-28T03:06:00.005+08:00

Hi world, I've had my ear surgery done on the 23rd. The procedure was very painful. Especially the injection part, since its on the ear. I've not even cringed in my previous immunity/ vaccination jabs. And this time my entire body seized up. Damn.

Want to see my ear?
You may go to THIS ALBUM.

Grandpa's birthday

2010-04-11T05:33:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was my grandpa's birthday. Mommy wanted us to be up and arrived at 11am. But my bed didn't agree with that arrangement. Instead, it held me back with it's comfy softness till about 3pm. Hohoho! Told her to go first. And she threw a hissy fit. Lol. Ah well, at least I get to sleep longer.

I woke up to an errand to run before I went there though. :( and that was to buy bread for CURRY. SHIOK AH! As I went down the lift, there was this guy. He's C-U-T-E. I'm thinking that way cause he actually acknowledged that I held the door open for him and HE SMILED BACK! Wee~WEEEET!!! I think he's a new neighbour? Or someones bf. We parted at the lift. I went to the bread shop to buy the humongous yummy loaves of bread. And pretty much took my time to walk to the bus stop to wait for the bus. Plopped myself down, reached in one of the plastic bags for a piece of bread. :)) and then, "fhump!" someone sat rather abruptly beside me. I turned around, and there was the guy! He seemed rather tired, panting even. He must have ran or something. And he saw me stuffing my face with the bread. How glam is that? Wahahahah! Coincidental right? What's more, the bus stop we were at is quite far from my block. :O

At my ah gong's place, I EMO-ed at a corner. Yes. EMO ONE CORNER!! The adults were gambling and I didn't want to play. :( I wanted to play dài Dee!!! Buy nobody shared the same sentiments. So there. I went to the swing outside and emo-ed. I only recovered when my bf came over. So happy to see him. Someone to accompany me. Yay! <3<3

He's asleep at my place now. =.= pig

<3 from my iPhone.

2010-04-09T05:53:00.000+08:00

Wa~ZUPPPPPP!!!!!

I'm meeting my bf later. Happy!! But not because I'm meeting him but because I'm already planning on what to eat.

Cockles! And waffles! And chocolate! And and... Lots more!! Die. I'm going to put on a ton of weight.

06.04.10 - 07.04.10
A coupla days ago, we had a mini celebration for cathi's birthday. It was strange. Serene, the more matured one is actually the youngest. Haha! And cathi, the smallest one is the elder one. Very odd, if we were to tell people our age order. I learnt how to play 5 ppl daidee(aka big2) also!

Oh oh oh!! More stuff!!

03.04.10 - 04.04.10
Camping with bf! We had a mini BBQ and camped out. It was terrible!! The sleeping part at least. It was raining on and off throughout the night. The night was also incredibly hot and humid. Couldn't open the tent flaps as the rainwater would come in. :( but the BBQ-ing was the redeeming factor. Bbq-ed bacon, beef and cheese sausages! Woooooo~ heavenly. :))
We packed up at 5.45am though, due to my constant nagging and complaints of the heat. But HEY! I SAVED US from the incredibly strong winds and thunderstorm that arrived shortly after our departure. I SAVED US FROM GETTING DRENCHED OK! Who ever said that complaining is not good? Hmph.

Camping is tiring.

<3 from my iPhone.

Photos

2010-03-15T03:37:00.001+08:00

<3 from my iPhone.

Writing for the 5th of march.

2010-03-06T04:39:00.001+08:00

Today is the last day of studio project 4. It went well, considering that we did many wrong things yet the lecturers loved our work. Today was also supposed to be a happy day where we get freed from the shackles of project week and year 2 of our poly life. But it wasn't for me, today, was the day I found out that I am not going to advance in my course. In other words, I've been kicked.

I attended the year 3 final graduation and was filled with so much nostalgia. I should have been there, with them. Graduating as the first batch of motion graphics students. But no, here I am instead. Retained, kicked from school. I was happy for them. But still, my expression could not hide what I was feeling inside. This sense of failure, helplessness and envy.

During the photo-taking sessions, I went with so much weight on my heart. Knowing fully well that it would be the last time that I will appear in group photos with them. My heart argued with itself, with this thought that the photo would still be the same, with or without me. I'm of utmost irrelevance. Yet I wanted them to remember me. In the end, I went anyway. And plastered the sunshine smile i had trained from young. Yes, I do look happy. Inside however, feels different.

Today, I had to pay my singtel bill as well. From the money I painstakingly tried to save. But it wasn't enough. I still owed quite a sum. I have no savings. Nothing anymore. No education, no money, no motivation.

Walking home from school, I'd contemplated suicide. Take some pills, and sleep forever. My existance doesn't matter, my existance shouldn't be there. I'm a nuisance, I'm useless. While thinking that, the thought of my mom came into my mind. It did not kill the suicide thoughts, just held it back. If I had died, she'd be lonely. She doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve this ill-fated life. Perhaps, when she has passed on, then I'd end my life. Not now. When I'd hurt her.

I'm feeling terribly useless right now. Hopeless.

<3 from my iPhone.

2010-03-04T23:58:00.001+08:00

Emptiness...

<3 from my iPhone.

Why?

2010-03-03T03:48:00.001+08:00

Chatting with an ex, no longer stirs up any bad feelings. Just some concern. By ex, I mean Patrick. He seems rather sad. I'm feeling worried for him but he shouldn't be my concern anymore. He is old enough to think for himself and handle whatever shit life throws at him.

And he still looks like jet li.

<3 from my iPhone.

The pig!

2010-03-03T02:06:00.000+08:00

2010-03-03T01:35:00.002+08:00

Boyf's with me now, asleep. He's gotta wake up at 2am so here I am, staying up so I can get him to wake up. He needs to drive himself home. I always get worried when he is on the road at this time. And thats cause he's so sleepy. But I'd doze off anyway. Seems very heartless of me to do that aye. I'd always wake up and check for a message from him though, if he doesn't message me by noon, I'd have to check whether he's still alive.

Anyway, about school, I'm a lil fed up with my classmate. She promised to complete her part of the clip on Sunday. But till now she's still doing it. :( I'd have to get up at 10am to add in the audio and sync the clip. Hopefully she'd have emailed me the clip by then. Hopefully.

On the sidenote, the crate we made was awesome! Very stable and can support quite a bit of weight. The paint job is very nice too. :D Achievement. Yippee!

2010-02-27T23:19:00.003+08:00

I'm in love. But I think I shouldn't be. I don't know. I'm confused.

When my heart gives in, my temper flares. Just because I get too concerned, too worried. =(

He says I'm pretty. But he gives fat girls a double take. Does that mean something? I get jealous. Jealous when other girls get his attention. Its a horrible feeling. Makes me feel like I'm unreasonable. Perhaps I shouldn't have given my heart to him. I'm terribly afraid he'd break it, just like the others.

I hate being in love.

School's a drag, I don't fit in. I tried. But they have their own little cliques I can't seem to weasel into. What's worse? There are korean fangirls in class. Terrible, the way they keep themselves up to date with what this hot korean guy is wearing or even how his fart smells! Yeah, I exaggerated on the fart part. But you get what I mean.

I'm currently in the midst of doing my Studio Project 4. After this is done, I have to worry for a few weeks on whether I get to stay on doing this course. The reason to that, I don't think it would be suitable to mention on the world wide web. Hope all goes well. Sighs...

2009-11-01T16:54:00.001+08:00

Its Monday tomorrow! And I'm already feeling the Monday blues. Its the SUNDAY GREYS!

I really want the ipod touch btw, REALLY REALLY WANT. I want joo chiat road!

2009-10-30T22:58:00.002+08:00

Its been 3 months plus since I last blogged.

WOW.

How do I put this, erm... Lets start with school. School's back! And being ONLY in the second week, I've skipped 2 days and was late for 2 modules. Bad habit is back. My family is slightly more dysfunctional, or rather, it has become less of a family.

My heart can no longer love. I'm serious! Its shocking. But this is good since I can concentrate on what matters more. =) For example, school.

AND AND AND... *pauses for suspense* I've signed up to be a volunteer cop. Surprised? I want to be a prison warden! If I decide to commit, I'd sign on. Not for now though. I hope I get shortlisted anyway, then Yinwen will be traffic police and I can be prison warden. AWESOMEZ.

2009-07-12T23:25:00.001+08:00

I wonder. Does the knee actually have more yummy blood for the mosquito? If not, WHY DO I HAVE 4 BITES ON 1 KNEECAP ALONE??? gahh...

2009-06-20T21:48:00.003+08:00

(2210 o'clock)
I might have found my solace.
-------------------------------------------------------

2009-06-20T06:03:00.002+08:00

Fuck. You know how it sucks to be depressed on the day before, on and after your birthday? Yeah. Empathise. Fuck.

Thanks for the message, deren.
Thanks for nothing.

2009-06-02T15:06:00.000+08:00

2009-05-20T00:16:00.002+08:00

This girl's voice is amazingly addictive. I might even buy her album! Which would soon become one of the few that I've bought in this lifetime. =))

2009-05-09T01:21:00.001+08:00

I've been too depressing. I will hence, try to stop these depression and celebrate love instead. I love deren =)

Its k if we can't be together. Love should make one feel happy.

2009-05-08T04:01:00.002+08:00

It's k, I tell myself. Everyday while going to school, I'd pass by where he lives. He's going to ORD out of national service soon. Very soon. I'm simply freaking out by the thought of accidentally bumping into him. I'd been avoiding hougang from fridays to sundays for the past 3 months. Its hard to face up to the fact that we'd broken up. Really. I won't know what I might do if I ever see him again. To him, I'm just another ex. I've become his past now. A past he'd never walk back into. Its so hard, so hard to move on.

Dear God,
Please give me the strength to get through this difficult period in time. Grant me the wisdom to make choices carefully. And most of all, bless me with patience.
Amen.

I just want to feel again.

2009-05-02T23:55:00.003+08:00

Last night was an awesome night. I'd dreamt of the guy that would treat me right. But when I woke up, he was gone. And just like others, this day just died.
---------------------------------------
My life's pretty fucked right now. Death would be an easier choice if not for the whole "oweing a debt to my parents thing". Whatever. I wished I wasn't born. And SHADDUP. You'd never understand.

To: Daddy

2009-04-24T01:05:00.004+08:00

I'm still unable to forget the time when I looked in your coffin. You lay there, motionless, stiff, grey. Mommy's eyes were swollen and red from much crying. You weren't dead, you couldn't be. You will wake up eventually. Won't you? It wasn't until the cremation day that it kicked in. That you were gone, forever. Forever seems long.

You weren't much of a father. You drank, smoked, never came home early. I even remember being burnt by your cigarette accidentally. When I ran over to hug you when you were getting the happy meals for korkor and me. I got scolded instead. I remember the chicken rice you'd sometimes buy home. That was the start of my love for that dish. Maybe thats why I'm not as slim as the other girls. When you came home drunk, you'd destroy the furniture and vomit on the floor. Did you know that? Mommy had to clear up the mess for you and I secretly took delight in fixing up the furniture. Or things that you broke.

I'd sometimes quite enjoyed your drunk moments. You were funny, till you started insulting mommy. The day you died, we were still insulting that Channel NewsAsia news anchor.

Perhaps if you are still around, the house won't seem as empty. Coming home to a lifeless house is kind of, depressing. Waking up to one is equally depressing.

I wonder what it is like, being you. Just leaving like that. Whether you would feel relief or whether you'd feel sad, not being able to be with us, your family. Mommy acts like nothing has happened. But I really wonder if she's alright. I do not dare to ask her, I'm afraid of her reaction. She is a strong woman. Did you cherish her when you were alive? She's irritating sometimes, in a bossy, "I'm always right." kind of way. But hey, she's a mother.

I miss you papa, do you miss your family?

2009-04-11T03:30:00.002+08:00

Dreams
I've had disturbing dreams, whereby I see family member's death, one by one. I remember my brother's one especially, since they were in a series, from the cause to the end. I see him falling off a bike in one and a few months later, I had another dream of the police coming to my house to inform my mom. A year later, yet another dream appeared to me, it was my brother's funeral. And finally, in about another 2 years, I had yet another where I was looking into the coffin. His face was covered by a handkerchief(pardon the spelling) since it was damaged to an irreparable stage. Horrifying, really. And the coffin was placed in his room.

My mom, "died" from slipping on the bathroom tiles. And as for me, I was in a car crash. When I woke from that dream, My head was throbbing with agonizing pain, indescribable with mere words.

I've had constants, where I was running from someone or something. Nothing worth mentioning. And trying to escape from a place however, ending up running around in circles. Trying to flee from burning buildings only to have ghosts popping out from pillars around, attacking me.

I've even once dreamt of my mom turning into a pontianak, flying around the house, screaming in that blood-curdling pitch. And even having her walk around the living room. Terrifies me even while writing this. Along with this, I'd even dreamt of my father, after his death. His body was all red and bloated. A scary sight to behold. And he had accused me of not visiting him at the temple. He had compared me to my brother! Who, I'm sure, has not visited him yet.

Finally, I remember one particular one where I was looking around in this new apartment, only that it is not so new. There was an area built for little children to play in. Really wonderful and cheerful. I'd went in to check out the play area. And suddenly, there was this really eerie and sad song. It sounded very much like a mother singing a child to sleep. The depressing mood gripped my heart even as I woke up. And even for the next few days. The loss of a child, the loss for the mother, really is incomprehensible.

On a brighter note, I have a dream of opening an ice cream parlor. I'm still in the process of setting my mind to it. So, wish me luck!

-Cfc-

2009-03-08T20:29:00.001+08:00

Everything's over. Gone. Poof.

My mom's off today. My home actually feels normal. I feel normal. But my heart's still empty. At least I have a more humane house. =)

2009-03-07T19:41:00.002+08:00

I think I've changed. The rain no longer makes me feel happy. It makes me feel sad. Gory movies no longer makes me excited. It scares me. So does horror shows. I feel so alone. Seriously. Don't tell me that I have friends or whatever shit. They have their own lives now. I don't matter. =(

2009-02-28T21:10:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep properly now. With every sleep is a nightmare. I don't want to sleep anymore. But eventually I do. And they come again. =(

2009-02-25T21:53:00.001+08:00

I'm feeling a little feverish.

Not that anyone cares.

2009-02-25T16:40:00.002+08:00

It's raining. Normally on a day like this I'd message him asking if it was raining at his side. To tell him to try not to get sick. But now, all I do is just stare out in the rain, not thinking, not moving.

2009-02-21T22:16:00.002+08:00

Today was rather different from usual saturdays. I had to go to school at 1030. but ended up there at 1230. Took a cab cause I was so so so late. My 50bucks from yesterday's event is now down to 16dollars. Sobs!

According to Boon Seng and Heng Tee, I've slimmed down quite abit. Like, yay? I'm speechless. OK.THX.BYE

2009-02-20T03:14:00.004+08:00

Well, since the last time I'd blogged, much has happened. We broke up. On the 11th Feb. I was looking forward to valentines day with him, spending it with someone I loved. And of course, my heart shattered. I'm still picking up those little bits and pieces. Everyday seems so long now. I have friends who are here for me. However, I feel ever so alone.

Dearest, I miss you so so much. But I can't tell you how I feel. You'd just push me away. It hurts. So so bad. There's nothing I can do since you've decided.

Hearts are broken everyday. And I'm another insignificant one.

There's so much that I was planning on doing with him. Especially spending vday(it's over) and my birthday. But I guess it won't happen. I need your hands, to wipe away these tears, to embrace me and show me that all's fine in this world.

2008-12-24T03:10:00.000+08:00

All I want is just some caring and notice of my existance. =(

2008-12-24T01:14:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I wish that he could call me, or even send me an sms out of the blue. Just to show me that at least he cares, or even bothers to think of me. But no. I do not even hear from him. Not unless I give him an sms to remind him of my GODDAMNED FUCKING EXISTANCE. Yeah. I'm angry. REALLY, I AM. I'm seriously fed up. I'm not going to sms him anymore. Whatever. If you fucking think I'm childish for bringing such a small matter like sms up, you're seriously fucking wrong.

And how does a girlfriend feel special or loved or cared for if the boyfriend does nothing out of the blue to show it? I hate you. REALLY, I DO.

2008-12-11T01:23:00.001+08:00

School's screwed. Friends are nice. New friends are cool. Brother's going to serve the nation this Friday.

I love Deren. 'Nuff said.

2008-11-26T23:40:00.002+08:00

You had my trust. And my faith in you. But you broke the promise. It wasn't just a promise on your part. It was a pact between you and I. Not only consisting of you. When you broke it, we both broke it. I have my down times too, you know. Why don't I get to deal it like you do? Maybe because I know it wont work? Many things in life, remind me of pain. My sensitivity to emotions caused me to be this hard hearted and ruthless sometimes. I'm cynical of life. I try my hardest to filter out my surroundings. My sarcasm has hurt many little hearts. I'd hurt people first before they hurt me. I hate humans.
When I "stone" its most likely that I am numbing myself

A trust betrayed is 10times harder to earn back.

When I told you that I'd forgiven you, your answer was more than disappointing. Am I so insignificant? I feel as if I'm just a joke to you.

My tears, no one sees. My hurt, I can't share. My heart, no one comforts. My grief, I can't forget. My home, empty.
If I could be hard hearted enough to leave my mom to face this empty house and disappoint her by wasting her efforts bringing me up, I'd kill myself. But I know that she's been through harder times than me. A husband who has left her to raise 2 teenage kids. Who cannot even think for themselves. She should be retiring by now. at this age. But her daughter has just wasted a year at school, with her son who wasted 2years. He's only about to enter national service, leaving the house emptier than before. He's a screw up. So is the daughter, who has no talent whatsover in her school work. Or in life. My mom deserves better children. I'd wished that my brother was a better person, so I could just leave. I hate worrying. I hate crying. I'm indebted to her, in a life I wish she had never produced. I'm responsible for her happiness. Now.

2008-11-20T05:35:00.005+08:00

Its the 4th/ 5th time(I can't really remember) that I'm staying in school overnight for projects completion. It's surreal, was and still is. I've finished my project. And boy, I'm going to get screwed for effort. =p

I'm hungry. Totally. Should have bought the maggi mee. But wallet's empty. OH WELL. Headache. Major splitting HEADACHE. Which comes with a FREE backache as well. How nice. *OUCH*

There's teabags, sugar packets, sweets, pens, clothes, makeup, Ds, handphones, cups and notebooks all around me. Thats how I work. Thats how I like it. =D

Just a lil bit of randomness...

2008-11-10T17:27:00.002+08:00

horrible horrible dream. =( I woke up and almost cried. In fact I cried in the dream. =( I don't think typing this will help but it was so so scary. Crying doesn't help either cause in attracts attention. And the last thing I need is attention. T.T

Am I not good enough? Not even to myself? I guess so then. Yeah, I'm not good enough for anyone. I'm pissed. Seriously seriously pissed. My head is burning up after the dream. It hurts. Like crazy. And I want my maggi mee. Everyone's too busy doing their "work". =(

I just want to cry. But I cant. I feel a little dry on the inside. I feel a little traumatised as well, as with all other dreams that I have. I cannot think straight, I need pills.

2008-11-03T19:22:00.002+08:00

Grief should be penned down. It helps. I Swear.

=D

and yeah, Junhao you better not die on Deren. Later he join you in hell and I lose a bf =(

School sucks, I came to school at like, 10 am! And there was no lesson. Apparently Miss Tina didn't even bother about informing us about the lesson change. pfft. So lesson was at 2 pm instead. Plus i got so totally pissed at my lecturer I practically blew up at him. =(

I'm stressed. Seriously =((

2008-10-28T19:50:00.001+08:00

I'm so so so CRAVING for my POPCORN CHICKEN! And there's nobody to eat it with me. Sad case. BLEHH

2008-10-20T23:48:00.004+08:00

night safari trip

my baby girl n her toy =D

botanical gardens trip

Giddy spells every now and then. Some kinda scary. =(

2008-10-16T02:31:00.000+08:00

I feel a foreboding of doom, my muscles tensed, ready to strike at any moment. As if I was being threatened.
Perhaps its the cold or maybe my mind. I feel afraid. Yet I cannot put a finger on what it is. There's no one to talk to at this time in the night. Or rather, I do not know what it is that I'd tell the other person even if I were to call. The fogginess of my mind does not aid the situation.
I feel unsafe.

2008-09-23T19:44:00.002+08:00

I've met Ming Yue today! And boy, is she suffering. =( Makes me think twice about getting a daughter. I'd consider adoption then. =)

I want to shop! The materialistic side of me is finally emerging. And it is NOT GOOD.

2008-09-23T04:16:00.003+08:00

Goodness, I'm still up at this ungodly hour, Ming Yue too. Tea keeps one perked up FOR HOURS ON END. Ugh. Shouldn't have had that cup of English Breakfast.

Things have changed recently, my hair parting has switched sides, colour lightened, school has killed any hopes I've ever had and laid its death sentence on me, my friend is getting married, another friend is no longer who i consider a friend, 3 friends of mine have gone to serve our nation, my bank account has dropped to an all time low, I'm attached, jurong birdpark is now a job I might not quit for a long time, etc.

I love hanging out with Serene's family. They're really friendly. Especially her brother, who actually laughs when he gets scolded! ZOMG. I WANT AN IRRITATING YOUNGER BROTHER TOO. =( Its nice to actually exchange opinions with older folks once in awhile. =) I love homey people, especially in a country where everyone avoids each other like plague.

BRILLANTE is a really BRILLIANT company, the people are homey, their stuff is pretty, THE CAT THEY HAVE ON DISPLAY THERE IS REALLY REALLY ADORABLE- HUGE HINT HERE, DEREN. =) They're located at the Flyer, Suntec, Jurong Birdpark and soon-to-be, Zoo. I've bought 2 swans from them for my friend who's about to get herself weded. I really really hope their kid is a DAUGHTER.

I didn't know that in the past, BMT was for 3 months straight without any bookouts. 0.o

My fishes are asleep. God! That was random. =\

Life seems so surreal to me now, as if they are just a dream. Am I still alive?

Mecha(a drum game) is now an adiction I can't quit. My DsLite actually runs out of battery these days, amazing!

And oh, who I am attached to? His name is Deren, a Libra! I'VE BROKEN OUT OF THE SAGGITAURUS THING! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The horoscopes things say we are a good match. IS IT??? I'd wait and see. =)

And yeah, I'ma OFF! Sorry about the rantings. =)

2008-08-31T19:49:00.001+08:00

10/10 for execution from Mr Wilton! WOOTS! Life's getting better. =)

In projects, do you see your classmates' true colors. True uh..

2008-08-22T13:32:00.002+08:00

I hate superficial people, expecially the one who said that we were of lower social class.

BURN IN HELL BITCH
agnotti, i'm referring to YOU

2008-08-19T20:21:00.002+08:00

If I could, I'd drive a car on the highways just to watch the clouds go past. How lovely. =)

2008-08-15T21:39:00.002+08:00

Aaah~ Presentation today was a blast. =) Though we had a lil hiccups here and there, we went through with the whole thing. I guess we didn't do too badly. I do hate wearing formal. Too stiff for my liking and the shoes, KILLER.
Anyway, I'd received the "love" email from a friend, which i guess, all of you guys out there has received it someway or the other.

Here it goes,
Every night , someone thinks about you before they go to sleep,
At least fifteen people in this world love you.
The only reason someone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
There are at least two people in this world that would die for you.
You mean the world to someone.
Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
When you make the biggest mistake ever,something good comes from it.
When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look.
Always remember the compliments you've received.
Forget the rude remarks

I totally agree with the last phrase. Rude remarks get you down, they do come from rude people with the intention to hurt. I'm a person who lets these small lil things get to me. So from now on, I'm going to listen to the compliments and continue improving from there. =)

2008-08-14T20:58:00.002+08:00

"Boyfriend" criteria:
-able to open durians for me
-love my cats wholeheartedly(but less then the amount he shows me)
-all the other common traits that other girls look out for
-Lastly, LOVE MY MOM TOO

=D

2008-08-12T16:55:00.001+08:00

I'm ignored. =(

2008-08-11T21:01:00.002+08:00

Been thinking, what'd happen if I ever went away, and never ever come back? Would anyone miss me? Would anyone notice? A life's not a meaningful one if it hadn't made a difference in any other people's life, have I? In yours? Has my existance proved meaningful or important to anyone in particular? Many, have left me, some scarring, some that I hadn't noticed. I'm perhaps a very selfish person. I want to mean something to many people, am I asking too much? If I ever were to die and could choose when, I'd choose now. I'd rather leave the ones around me first than suffer in pain of them leaving me. I'm selfish. Yes, I know.

2008-08-11T00:02:00.003+08:00

Omigosh! I can't believe it happened!! Well. for him, it happened a long time ago. But for me, it happened during the movie, dark knight. It was strange, but when i turned to look at him(while we were talking. courtesy you understand?), something inside me clicked, as if i understood something, but yet, i don't know what it is. what is it? It makes me so thrilled, yet makes me feel lots of emotions at the same time. just 1 sms could actually make me grin from ear to ear for hours, at least till i feel tired. Just ask the people at Jurong Bird park and you would understand. Its strange, so strange. However, as he said , it could just be a passing infatuation. Lets wait and see shall we? =)

He threw my lenses. My darling lenses!!! But oh well, it was not obvious anyway, not many people noticed that I wore/ didn't wear 'em. They were my pretties! He'd said he'll pay me double the amount for them. So, $32!!! I'm waiting for you~

Will update when I feel like it again. So ta~! Invisible people!

2008-07-26T03:27:00.001+08:00

life's going nowhere, i've no aim, no visions of my future, i can design shit, i'm failing my course, i'm fucking useless!!!! Y AM I EVEN STILL ALIVE? ='(

2008-07-23T00:54:00.001+08:00

aggie... WHY?? live and let live, forgive and forget. i've already forgiven what you did to me in the past year.. and yet, i'm disappointed. i'm coming to hate you more. and u'd c wad happens when my tail gets stepped on.

2008-07-22T15:35:00.000+08:00

hungry, tired, moody, lazy, pms =(

2008-07-16T18:52:00.000+08:00

I

AM

FUCKING

PISSED

OFF!!!!!!!!

2008-07-12T03:57:00.002+08:00

remember the "fail" post? yeah.. i didn fail in the end. it was before my presentation that i felt that i might fail coz i did my work last minute. but my lecturers loved it! =) i'm like damn happy lor.. and after presenting i was shivering non stop. until about a long long time later did i stop. so currently, my favourite MOST song is SUMMER NIGHTS. sung by john travolta and olivia newton.. wahahah. loves =)

Summer Nights - John Travolta & Olivia Newton

clear blue eyes and a sunshine smile =) who can get better looking than that?

2008-07-08T23:20:00.000+08:00

2008-07-08T09:54:00.000+08:00

FAILLLLL.............

=(

2008-07-05T17:14:00.002+08:00

I'VE GOTTEN MY DSLITE!!! I'M SO HAPPY I COULD FLY!!! WOOOO!!!!!!!! LOLLOLOLOL. I'D CONSIDER THE PSP IN A FEW MONTHS.. =)

2008-07-02T09:53:00.001+08:00

i don't feel too good. and tina's lesson is boring me to death. literally.

2008-07-01T19:37:00.002+08:00

i feel a little sad, sad about the past that i cant grasp firmly onto, the present which i keep taking fr granted, a future that seems so bleak. i'm clinging onto the last strand of hope in my course. i juz feel that i don't have the talent to do this. but yet, i've spent the money here. maybe my future lies somewhere else? i don't know anymore. everyone has been telling me to start thinking about my future already. ihave ok! not like i cant be bothered. thinking about the future, my mind draws a complete BLANK. i've tried deciding what i want in life. but i still cant.. there's so much i want to do, so much i wanna achieve. but i HAVE TO CHOOSE 1 PATH! juz 1 out of all the things i wanna achieve. i know, i juz know that when i've grown up, looking back into the past would be a painful experience, thinking on the things i never achieved. time is limited. life's but so short. we can only afford to have so little achievements in life. WHERE is my future? perhaps its too early to decide, you say. but THERE'S NO MORE TIME.

zzz.

2008-06-29T22:58:00.001+08:00

lets all run round and scream and shout!! and then hold hands and jump about!! after that we'd roll about!!! GOGO!!! WOOTS!!!!! i need a break.. T.T

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

2008-06-28T15:05:00.001+08:00

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Family genealogy - Family history

2008-06-28T10:40:00.000+08:00

2008-06-28T10:06:00.002+08:00

i didn get those in the end. i've found a supplier. =) and i'm gonna get em cheaper if i can get 18 more orders. but so far, response aint so good. its been 1 day n no orders yet. my friends wanna order only when its about to be capped. zzz. so if ur reading this and wanna get contacts, i can give it to u at a cheaper price. juz tell me that u got linked thru dis blog. to see them, pls go to http://closet-clearout.blogspot.com

yesterday didn go as planned. i overslept. haiz.

2008-06-27T00:13:00.002+08:00

i've been zombiefied.

heels make me so high~

New japanese movie, 10 promises was totally awesome!! went to watch with cathi n friends. the show actually made me cry! it was juz so saddening, at the part when the dog passed away. i couldnt actually stop tears from falling can?! sweet. and the free posters were left at the toilet! how sad is that?? =( i wanted it so bad! the puppy was so amazingly adorable... haiz

today was eyebrow trimming for serene and facial make up. i can proudly say, i did quite a good job with the brows. =) sorry serene if it was too painful for u. =3

i wasted another 34 on unecessary items again. i bought color contacts.. it was too pretty!!! hmm i'd need another job.

2008-06-25T02:59:00.002+08:00

hoho.. i was totally knockd out after a 3hr long day at sch. how pathetic is that man? i slept n got many dreams. of which, i shall onli say 1, coz its a best i'll ever have... i dreamt that i'm a mom of a little girl!!! hahah.. cute.. except that i'm not married. yeah. my lil girl's cute ok? school was a bore.. n some of my classmates were pretty shocked at seeing my face. i looked DEAD.. eek..

2008-06-24T16:12:00.001+08:00

yuck.

2008-06-23T05:12:00.002+08:00

phobias.. hahahahh..
:Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia- Fear of the number 666.
:Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.
:Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens.

LOL

i guess i haf a few..
:Acrophobia- Fear of heights.
:Aeroacrophobia- Fear of open high places.
:Agoraphobia- Fear of open spaces or of being in crowded, public places like markets. Fear of leaving a safe place.
:Bathmophobia- Fear of stairs or steep slopes.
:Catagelophobia- Fear of being ridiculed.
:Cleithrophobia or Cleisiophobia- Fear of being locked in an enclosed place.
:Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns.
:*the rest were a little too rdiculous* heh

phobias courtesy of: www.phobialist.com

visit n be amazed =3

2008-06-22T19:13:00.003+08:00

about my birthday, THANX to:
Mommy
Hui Sian
Ming Yue
Daryl
Kitson
Kang hui
Zixiang
Han Hui
Serene
Cathi
Jinlong
Physilia
Hui Long aka PIG
Junhong
+
Shi Cai
Si Hao
Shi Cai's fren whose name i don't really remember
Gibson
(for coming n enjoying the day with me n getting that cake)

for wishing me a happy birthday =) i reali had quite a happy one.. lol
we went ice skating!!!!! haha.. i laughed till i almost fell. screamed coz i almost did.. haha.. embarrassing la.. scream= ppl stare n assume ur crazy. n i received a bouquet of flowers!!! its pink n purple n blue n green n i dono wad else.. lol.. frm hui sian AND cathi!! hui sian's sis wrapped it!! awesomely pretty man.. n a got a monkey frm cathi's mom.. haha.. my FUNKY monkey.. i'd actually wanted to buy it de.. den got abit sad when her mom bought it away.. n settled for e dog.. but she gave it to me~! =]] all smiles now.. haha.. n i got an ice cream treat frm cathi.. lol.. eating ice cream in e theatre abit funny eh.. we watched ZOHAN on screen!!! i remember mariah carey saying"horny little man".. lol... i love my frens.. =) n mom of coz.. n maybe a little love for my brother.. N I LOVE BEING 18!!!!!

i turned 18 on the 18th of my 18th year of my 18th june of my life =)

2008-06-22T18:06:00.002+08:00

umm.. i'm running outta mascaras!!!!! zzz

E.L.F!!!!!!! please ship already!!! sobx
---------------------------------------------------- now, proceeding.
Genting was awesomely fun ok!! firstly, the air was so shiokingly cold!!! but not in the morning. almost freezed my butt off =(. our face cleared up while staying there... LOL.. we, consisting of cathi n me. being there with friends also made things much more easier for us.. heh.. her brother was so cold!! i swear upon my soul. not literally. n he has mood swings. =\ i stayed at cat's hse the night before setting off. n was DRAGGED outta bed at ard 6++. ='( we all got ready veri slowly. like REALLY slowly.. hah... so we went n got into a jam that lasted a whole 1.5 hrs.. i fell asleep so i wouldnt reali know wad happened.

at the checkpoint, i found the police quite slack. all they did was to open the boot and look... LOOK! not CHECK. maybe that was a good thing, that they don take up too much time but, wad if we were bringing something illegal to m'sia? maybe.. umm.. actually its more like the other way round.. heh.. =X on the way there, we stopped at someplace to eat. n met.. guess who?? it was cathi's fren!! haha.. n we were speculating that we might meet him somewhere since he was goin genting on e same day as us.. but reali meeting him there, we got a huge shock.. SG oso where got so coincidental de? n we were a MSIA.. like much bigger den SG lor.. MUCH bigger.

ok. lets review my expenses at MSIA. pls keep ur cool.
day 1
minaral water_rm1.20
mini fan_rm35
eyeliner_rm15
nailpolish_rm15
food_rm26
meat_rm7
greentea_rm2.50
cow pencil_rm5
ice cream_rm2.50
slippers_rm15
---------------------------
total: rm121.70

day 2
theme park_rm51
i. green tea latte_rm12
archery_rm12
arcade_rm26
shooting_rm15
flying coaster_rm6
mineral water_rm1.50
steamboat_rm20
bracelets_rm28
ice cream_rm2.50
---------------------------
total: rm174

day 3 *breathe*
tidbits_rm50
temple_rm3
bag_rm80
stockings_rm20
haircut_rm20
slippers_rm20
dog plush_rm23
h/p strap_rm7
socks_rm7
belt_rm18
shorts_rm40
shirt_rm25
yong tau foo_rm5.20
gum_rm2.40
shoe_rm50
---------------------------
total: rm371.6

day 4
gum_rm0.80
nail buffer_rm68
heels_rm40
tweezers_rm4
---------------------------
total: rm112.80
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GRAND TOTAL: rm780.10/ sg$328.463158

*Woots! i've gotta save frm now on.. =.=

the space shot at the theme park was awesome!! i swear. shicai(cat's fren) took it w/ me a total of 3 times!!! hahaha.. we're crazy. it was damn scary though.. coz i'm kinda afraid of heights. lol.. SG should haf that.. den our theme parks might be more fun. but of all, the teacup was the scariest. ITS A FAMILY RIDE!!!! but having a guy like cathi's bro(benjamin) or shicai there, u'd gotta hold onto your head. they spin real crazy!! n ppl were staring.. lol.. the shocked looks of onlookers was pretty funny. the reason i could c them? coz shicai slowed down after awhile, being too giddy. and the onlookers were staring at an even crazier "spinner" called BENJAMIN. hahahahahahahahah.

ok the end. =3

2008-06-21T21:03:00.003+08:00

BIRTHDAY PICTURES =33

050408_cathi's bdae ^

180608_mine C=

2008-06-21T19:23:00.009+08:00

GENTING PICTURES =3

2008-06-09T22:53:00.002+08:00

i'm officially single i guess.. well.. it feels good... being on my own and all.. independence feels a tad lonely. but, i juz feel invigorated. there's nothing to tie me down, nothing to hinder me from my desires. it'll all get better in time ayyes? i feel like going to run. but, there's too many people ard.. i feel shy. i think i'd borrow my bro's bball jersey, since mine's washing..i hope i can lose at least another 2 kg by e time i leave for m'sia. i'd miss home. and of course my mom. i feel quite guilty that i cant bring her along. but, i'd save up. =) by the time i grad, i hope that i'd have enough to bring her to japan.. =) hmm.. maybe i shall set the time to 1 year after i graduate, after taking up a few part time jobs. yeah.. i shall go run l8r. i shall think of a different area to run. i NEED to lose weight!!! my bdae's coming~ *HINT HINT*

2008-06-09T03:33:00.000+08:00

2008-06-09T02:46:00.003+08:00

this is my official 100th post! haha. guess no1's ard to read anyway.. anyways, im here to announce that today was my 1st time getting my huge arse down to e park to jog. every*nonexistant*body please clap!!! =) i didn noe that i looked quite cool~ in a singlet, trackpants n a RED handwrap!! woo! abit thick skinned but i honestly felt that way when i looked at myself. i got quite a surprise uh.. went out yesterday with heng tee oso. he's a nice person to slack with uh... =)

2008-06-08T04:43:00.001+08:00

i'm needing a slightly better fnancially future husband.. i spend too much. serious.

2008-06-08T03:32:00.003+08:00

well. holidays r started. n i've failed yet another project. maybe i'm not cut out to be a motion grapher. haiz. but on to the happier side.. my birthday is a coming. n my license is a-rriving too. woots! birthday~ how shall i celebrate it? btw, i'd be off to m'sia on the 13th. shall i bring my laptop? l8r i'd be buying extra ram for my com. like, yay! life's been abit more happier recently. i'm officially in love with my friends!!! hahaha. ok.. lots of stuff has happened n my mind's all jumbled up. so blogging wud be a mess if i tried narrating everything here. so taa~!

ahh~ i look better here. perhaps, my full face don't look good. but half face is cool.